It’s true: Umpires get mad at you when they mess up. It doesn’t matter to whom “you” is referencing in this instance, because it’s always true: Umpires get mad at you when they mess up. Umpires are salty dudes, and they’re particularly salty when interviewed because the only time they’re interviewed—the only time they’re allowed to be interviewed—is when they mess up, at which point they’re mad at you for interviewing them and for questioning their authority, which is absolute and infinite, and if you question it, how dare you come into my locker room with a recorder and a tucked-in shirt and question me?

Angel Hernandez, who is stupid, blew a call last night in the ninth inning of the A’s-Indians game. Adam Rosales hit a ball initially ruled a double, and video evidence clearly showed it was a home run. Hernandez, the crew chief, inspected the video evidence and maintained it was a double. The home run, which would have tied the game in the ninth inning with two out, was a double, Oakland wasn’t able to move Rosales around to score, and the A’s lost by one run.

Susan Slusser of the San Francisco Chronicle was the pool reporter who interviewed Hernandez after the game—when officials are interviewed, instead of answering questions from all reporters interested, the pool of reporters is to select one representative who does the interview then makes sure all reporters interested get the quotes—and Hernandez was as cooperative with the interviewer as expected. He told Slusser she could not record audio of the interview, and this is a sampling of how the interview went:

I asked several questions about the angles available and the quality of the replay equipment but he repeated only that they did not find that there was enough evidence to reverse the call. I also asked if he believes that it would be better for a centralized office to review plays, much the way the NHL does in New York, and he declined to answer, referring me to the league office.

I’ve been the pool reporter assigned to interview an umpire before. Only once, actually. It was during an NCAA Tournament regional last June in a game in which Kent State clinched a super regional berth against Kentucky. It was a big game. Kent State won 3-2 on a three-run home run in the eighth inning that, upon video inspection, was not a home run.

Two things made that situation different than Wednesday’s in Cleveland: It was even harder to tell in real-time that the ball was not a home run, and because it’s the NCAA, instant replay is not allowed. Still, the umpire I interviewed, the assistant crew chief named Travis Katzenmeier (as the officials rotated throughout the series, the crew chief was the reserve for this particular game and not on the field), was mad. He stared at me so cold and spoke so flat, I may as well have not been there at all. I was an inanimate interlocutor as he attempted to justify what was, at best, lazy umpiring. I was a mirror.

Umpires are funny. Even when they know they’ve missed a call, they stand with conviction that the missed call, which they know they missed, was the right call. In what other profession is that an acceptable means of decision-making? This blog post would be a disaster if every word I rolled off was written purely instinctually with no backspacing (I backspaced six times writing this one sentence and once writing this parenthetical phrase).

I consider myself an OK writer, as I’m sure Angel Hernandez and Travis Katzenmeier and many, many others consider themselves fine umpires. In my profession, information and clarity are priorities, so I backspace and edit and constantly self-evaluate as I’m writing so that I may do my job better. Sometimes, changes have to be made after publication, and that’s fine.  In umpiring, it seems pride and authority are largely on the same priority plane as proper rules enforcement. Instinct is final. First is last and no other shred of information, no matter how relevant or inconclusive, may supersede. May we all toil infinitely in the ninth circle of Hell for suggesting otherwise.

It’s difficult to say what Travis Katzenmeier and his crew in Gary, Ind., would have done that night were they allowed the relative luxury of video instant replay. As you may read pasted below in the full story I wrote from that night, the video we saw (the only camera that was on in the entire ballpark) conclusively showed it was not a home run. Then again, the video we saw Wednesday in Cleveland showed that Adam Rosales did hit a home run.

I went to a performing arts high school. I was a music major. At a performing arts high school around music majors (most of whom are very talented but some of whom clearly got in because they had a talented older sibling who flourished in the program, so maybe they’ll figure it out before it’s too late), you’re bound to run into at least one kid who says he has perfect pitch but totally doesn’t have perfect pitch. Ask him to sing a D, and he sings something else entirely. What he sings is hardly even a note. His voice cracks a little bit, and he kind of wavers between half-steps before settling on something weirdly in between. He knows he isn’t singing a D. Somebody somewhere along the way told him he might not have perfect pitch, so he snuck into the piano lab to check his accuracy. They were right. He doesn’t have perfect pitch, but he has a reputation to uphold. That’s what’s important (especially in high school, and I’m not really saying this part sarcastically). He’ll provide hundreds of bad Es for guitar tunings, continually amazing the oblivious with a skill he doesn’t have. He is the type of person who grows up to become an umpire.

Anyway, here’s what I wrote the night I interviewed an umpire who was mad at me because he messed up.

**

GARY, Ind.—Kentucky’s season, one of the best in school history, came down to one swing and one umpire’s ruling. The Cats lost in an NCAA Tournament regional final Sunday, 3-2 to Kent State, ending their season. The game, brilliantly pitched by UK’s Chandler Shepherd and Kent State’s Tyler Skulina, was won on a three-run home run in the top of the eighth inning by Evan Campbell, the Golden Flashes’ center fielder.

But was it a home run?

The naked-eyed viewer perceived it as such: Left-handed Campbell turned on a fastball from UK lefty Alex Phillips, brought in specifically to get out one left-handed batter, and pulled it down the right-field line. The ball ricocheted off something—whatever it was, it was virtually indeterminable at game speed, though those in attendance had competing theories: Was it the wall? Was it a chair back or a rail beyond the wall?—and bounced back into play. First-base umpire Ken Durham immediately ruled it a home run with the authority as if it were rolling around on Interstate 90.

It was the first homer hit in six games at the Gary Regional in US Steel Yard, a park as oppressive to home runs as any college baseball team could encounter. The warning track had hardly been challenged to that point in the weekend, so this was big. But was it a home run?

As stated above, the ball bounced back into play toward UK right fielder Cameron Flynn. Flynn fielded the ball out of the air and didn’t hesitate throwing it back toward the infield; he had the same level of conviction that it was in play as Durham had that it wasn’t.

“I thought it hit the guard rail and came back and then turned around to get the ball, and the umpire called a home run,” Flynn said.

The question was: Did the ball ricochet off a point below, on or above the yellow line along the wall? Was it a home run?

According to assistant crew chief Travis Katzenmeier, a ball must clear the yellow line to be a home run at US Steel Yard. “It must leave the stadium,” Katzenmeier said after the game. If the ball hits the wall on or below the yellow line, it’s in play.

A quirk in the construction of the right-field wall at US Steel Yard obscured the judgment on Campbell’s shot. The wall from its base to the yellow line is about 10 feet tall, but a foot or so at the top of the wall is a chain-link fence; this is the area that Flynn described as the “guard rail.” The chain-link fence does not run on the same vertical plane as the actual wall. It’s offset, running parallel, with a small gap between the two not big enough to fit a baseball. It’s possible for a ball to ricochet off one into the other.

Brian Milan, a sports anchor for WKYT-TV in Lexington, was filming the game Sunday night. Because the game wasn’t televised, Milam was the only videographer shooting the game. He captured it expertly, and he showed the film to members of the media after the game. Inspecting the clip in real-time was a fruitless exercise. In frame-by-frame viewing, it’s only then clear that the ball hit the guard rail right on the yellow line, ricocheted downward and bounced off the top of the padded wall, high in the air and eventually into Flynn’s glove. The ball never left the stadium, fulfilling Katzenmeier’s stated requirement for a ball in play as opposed to a ball hit for a home run.

Katzenmeier said the call was in Durham’s jurisdiction since it was down the first-base line. Katzenmeier confirmed that the umpires never conferenced and that he never doubted Durham’s call or had any reason to alter it.

“That’s correct,” Katzenmeier said. “That’s his call.”

Flynn and the Cats’ outfielders all thought the ball stayed in the park, and they huddled up with second-base umpire Adam Dowdy to tell him what they thought. UK coach Gary Henderson never left the dugout.

“My first initial thought was he couldn’t have missed three plays,” Henderson said, referring to Durham. “The law of averages is staggering for that to happen, so I just kind of assumed he got it right. That’s obviously on me at that point. No doubt about that. I should have been out there jumping up and down and hollering, but I actually thought he got it right. The guy is on the line, he should be able to get that.”

(The other two plays to which Henderson was alluding: a pick-off play at first base in which UK second baseman J.T. Riddle was called out in the third inning, and a safe call at first base in the top of the sixth when UK thought it had turned a 6-4-3 double play.)

If any rogue cameras were shooting the game, or even if the game had been televised with cameras filming every square inch of the playing field in high definition from several angles, the NCAA rules do not allow for any sort of video instant replay. The umpires could have conferenced and overturned their call—if that were the case, a ground-rule double would have been awarded, and Kent State would have scored one run, taken a 1-0 lead in the top of he eighth, and had a two-out, two-on situation—but Katzenmeier reiterated a conference was never considered.

“I didn’t have anything that would alter the first-base umpire’s decision,” he said.

Without the luxury to play through it, nobody will ever know how the game would have been impacted if it were ruled a double instead of a home run. Without the luxury to review it, the umpires were forced to make a call which no naked eye could ever perfectly perceive. Katzenmeier stood by Durham’s decision, a home run. Durham was not available for interviews, but video evidence—video evidence, again, which was not available for the rules-enforcers to inspect at any point—proved that the ground rules for home runs against the funky fence meant Campbell’s liner was not a home run. Instead the play was seen in real-time, incorrectly by one man, only a human, and it ultimately ended a team’s season.

1. Choose an element that is fundamentally flawed (select all that apply; none is not an option)
The narrator
The woman
Everyone else
The world

2. Choose the narrator’s mood (select one)
Happy: “I’m a rock star!!”
Sad: “I’m a rock star. : (“

3. Choose a time period (select one)
Nerdy childhood
Nerdy high school
Nerdy adult success

4. Is the song about a woman? (select one and skip to appropriate follow-up question)
Yes (answer questions 5-7, skip questions 8-10)
No (skip to question 8)

5. Level of narrator’s sexual activity (select one)
None
Too much

6. Describe how the narrator feels about the woman (select one for the first verse; can be the same or differ throughout)
She’s so great, man
She’s weird and kinda ugly but I like her anyway
She sucks, man

7. Describe how the woman feels about the narrator (select one for the first verse; this never changes for the rest of time)
I think he’s so great even though he’s a short nerd
Screw him, he’s a short nerd

8. Then what is it about, you sucker? (select all that apply)
Growing up sad
Sitting alone at home, not referencing the fact that the narrator is only sitting there because he isn’t with a woman
California, somehow

9. What’s wrong with writing a song about a woman, you stupid dork?
Sometimes I get tired of that, Mom
I have other interests, Mom
ohmygod i’m gonna die alone, mom, whyyyyyyyyyy, just leave me alone

10. Choose an interlude (select one)
Guitar solo
Bridge with lyrics
Spoken word

11. Number of background vocal tracks for chorus (select one)
None (just Rivers)
Two (three-part harmony)
Just get a bunch of guys singing, it’s the ’90s, who cares

12. Choose a key (there is only one option)
Eb (tune guitar 1/2 step down)

I’m always looking for things to not do. In the interest of public service and kindheartedness, here is a working list I keep laminated on my key ring at all times in case I’m in a pinch and need something to not do:

  • Fall in a sinkhole
  • Win money on a horse race and then brag about it as if you won that same money under your own volition and not total luck because it’s freaking horses running around while being hit by small people in a way that is really not cool at all
  • Genocide some folks
  • Eat at McDonald’s and go visit my old high school
  • Eat at McDonald’s or go visit my old high school
  • Browse comments at Breitbart.com
  • Play acoustic guitar at a coffee house
  • Do anything at a coffee house other than stare straight ahead at my computer and silently judge everyone there, because I know they’re judging me too, but in my defense, it is 67 degrees and I *do* need this sweater
  • Shop at the local co-op wearing a Big Bang Theory T-shirt
  • Surf YouTube for the best acoustic cover of the song you just wanted to hear the actual artist sing while you were driving
  • Tweet about eating at Olive Garden

Suggestions to add to the list are welcome. I will take approximately all the credit.

Elvis Costello has been rolling out a list of 100 songs on his website over the past several weeks. The list, called “50/50 Vision,” hasn’t been explained at all; he just started posting a list of songs on his website with no editorial comment. We are to presume it’s a list of what he deems his 100 best songs. At the least, it is a list of 100 songs, and they seem to become more significant to his catalog as they are revealed. Music fans love lists, Elvis Costello loves being coy and cryptic, and Elvis Costello fans love to speculate what the hell he’s talking about. He’s presented us an Internet triple threat.

Last week, he revealed songs 6-10.

6. Poison Moon

7. Couldn’t Call It Unexpected No.4

8. High Fidelity

9. I Want You

10. In Another Room

What makes that particularly interesting is the No. 6 title, Poison Moon. The only recording he ever made of it was in a bedroom demo in 1975, an age-21 boy demoing his first songs and sending cassettes to British record labels. It would still be two years before My Aim Is True was released. He’s only ever performed the song a handful of times, and it didn’t premiered in front of an audience until 2007 at a benefit concert in which he played My Aim Is True in its entirety (and then also played some tracks from the reissue, the original demo of Poison Moon included). If there’s anything we know Costello loves, it’s being a contrarian to, in part, see how people react—among recent incidents, the first musician he thanked as an influence at his induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was Franz Schubert—so perhaps we should only be so surprised.

After a considered inspection of songs No. 6-100, four obvious songs leapt out to me for inclusion in his top five. For the fifth song, I narrowed a list to six songs and then based the selection on, truthfully, how different it was from the other four already chosen. If we had a peek into his methodology, I genuinely feel this step would be in there somewhere. I then put the songs in order of both personal preference and anything I’ve read Elvis write about the songs involved, in liner notes or other sources. Rhino Records did a massive re-release of his catalog in the early 2000s, and each reissue included thorough liner notes (which can be read online here). Hearing the author’s insights decades after the fact adds a layer of perspective not typical for liner notes to rock albums.

  1. The Birds Will Still Be Singing
  2. Poor Fractured Atlas
  3. Shipbuilding
  4. Green Shirt
  5. Jimmie Standing in the Rain

We’ll see.

  1. Hit myself in the hand
  2. Hit myself in the other hand
  3. Drive a nail in the wall but then take a nap before hanging up the associated frame
  4. Place the hammer back in the drawer gently, so as not to disturb my next-door neighbor (thin walls)
  5. Put the hammer in my pocket, get drunk and go eat at Applebee’s
  6. Use the claw-part thing (hammer term) as a makeshift back scratcher
  7. Find bandages and some kind of cream to prevent bleeding back from getting infected
  8. Call and ask what tetanus is, because that hammer is actually pretty rusty
  9. Get lockjaw
  10. Dictate a living will on the way to the emergency room, because, How bad is this tetanus thing?
  11. Find a notary public
  12. Pledge to leave all earthly possessions to the notary public, because life has been a cruel, drawn-out episode of introversion and dysfunction that you thought couldn’t get any worse after high school, but it totally got worse after high school
  13. Learn you don’t have tetanus
  14. See if the notary wants to hang out sometime

If you’re a person who likes baseball or has ever considered the idea of baseball, you’ve surely seen the following clip of Ruben Rivera and what Jon Miller rightfully calls “the worst baserunning in the history of the game.” I hadn’t thought of the clip in a while, but Grantland’s Jonah Keri used it in a tweet to provide an analogue for CNN’s recent breaking news coverage. I watched it again gladly.

Context provides even more power to Miller’s claim, context of which I was unaware until browsing Baseball Reference for the box score of the fateful May 27, 2003 game (browsing because I couldn’t remember if the Giants ultimately won or lost the game in extra innings). The YouTube clip allows the reader the knowledge that there is one out in the bottom of the ninth inning in a 2-2 game, so Rivera would have ended the game with a scored run.

What the clip doesn’t reveal is that Rivera had just been inserted into the game as a pinch runner.

It would seem Ruben Rivera was never very fast, nor was he ever a good base-runner; both are difficult to quantify. Bill James’ speed score (which factors in stolen base percentage, frequency of stolen base attempts, percentage of triples and runs score percentage) is an attempt to quantify speed, though it’s still imperfect. It is something, though. Rivera’s speed score was 3.5 in 2002 and 4.5 in 2003. For comparison’s sake, a 3.5 runner in 2012 was Nelson Cruz, and a 4.5 runner was Alex Gordon. It’s unlikely Rivera developed his foot-speed enough in one offseason to go from Cruz to Gordon. Of course, Rivera was a part-time player in 2002 (186 plate appearances) and a part-part-time player in 2003 (55), and he had such a low number of stolen bases, stolen base attempts, triples and runs scored, especially in 2003, that the numbers poured into speed score aren’t going to result in a reliable figure. Speed score does have a degree of season-to-season variation, obviously, but we can pretty safely make a broad-sweeping statement based on Rivera’s career speed scores and the video above. We can see he was not very fast. Perhaps somebody could find a clip of Rivera running on May 26, 2003, when Rivera was the Giants’ starting left fielder and scored two runs in a 12-7 loss at Coors Field. One of those runs was scored on a home run he hit, which anybody can do (provided he has the capability of hitting a home run). The other run was scored after walking, advancing on a groundout, advancing to third on a fly ball to center field and scoring on a single. It doesn’t seem like speed is much of a requisite for those plays; use your own judgment to determine if advancing to third on a deep fly ball at the stadium currently known as AT&T Park to Preston Wilson requires much speed.

FanGraphs has UBR (ultimate base running) in an attempt to quantify a player’s ability as a base runner. It’s explained here. Essentially, it takes all base-running events except for stolen bases and caught stealing, and the events are weighted to provide a score. Rivera’s UBR in 2002 was 2.0, and it was 0.8 in 2003. FanGraphs classifies zero as average and +1.5 as above average. The small sample size should, of course, again be noted. Baseball Prospectus uses Equivalent Base Running Runs (EQBRR), which is a similar formula to UBR except that it includes steals and caught stealing. Rivera’s EQBRR in 2003 was +1.0, meaning his base running actually netted one run for the Giants in 2003.

So maybe Felipe Alou wasn’t completely out of his mind to run Rivera. He was inserted as a pinch-runner for Andres Galarraga, who was a few weeks shy of his 42nd birthday on the night of the incident. With the winning run on first base with one out in the bottom of the ninth, lifting Galarraga for a pinch-runner was as easy a call a manager can make. I will say, though, it would have been entertaining in an entirely different way to watch the Big Cat trying to score from first on that same play.

Assuming Galarraga wasn’t going to run for himself, who were Alou’s pinch-running options? His choice would have to come from the unused selection of position players and starting pitchers, unless he really wanted to waste a relief pitcher pinch-running for a position player in a tie game in the ninth inning. We will move forward with the assumption that was never considered.

The Giants’ 25-man roster on May 27, 2003 was easily reconstructed through MLB.com’s transactions log and box scores within the dates of the transactions therein.

Catchers
Benito Santiago
Yorvit Torrealba

Infielders
Ray Durham
Neifi Perez
J.T. Snow
Edgardo Alfonzo
Andres Galaragga
Pedro Feliz

Outfielders
Marquis Grissom
Barry Bonds
Jose Cruz
Ruben Rivera

Starting pitchers
Jason Schmidt
Damian Moss
Kirk Reuter
Jesse Foppert
Kurt Ainsworth

Relief pitchers
Scott Eyre
Jim Brower
Joe Nathan
Chad Zerbe
Manny Aybar
Tim Worrell
Felix Rodriguez

Excluding players already used, all relief pitchers and Torrealba (who was Santiago’s only backup catcher and, speed notwithstanding, would almost certainly not be wasted pinch-running for a non-catcher), seven players could have feasibly run for Galarraga: Rivera, Aurilia, Feliz, Moss, Reuter, Foppert and Ainsworth. He also, of course, could have run for himself. I don’t think most managers would use a starting pitcher to pinch-run that early in a game and with as many available bench players as Alou had, but let’s consider them equal in the following list, sorted by 2003 speed score:

Kirk Reuter, 5.5
Jesse Foppert, 5.1
Pedro Feliz, 4.7
Ruben Rivera, 3.5
Rich Aurilia, 2.8
Andres Galarraga, 1.9
Damian Moss, 0.3
Kurt Ainsworth, 0.1

Take those pitchers’ numbers for what they’re worth, obviously, but also consider that Reuter had six more plate appearances that season than Rivera. Either way, maybe Alou should have used 28-year-old Pedro Feliz to run for Galarraga, who himself was pinch-hitting for Jason Schmidt after a nine-inning, two-run outing. Feliz was faster than Rivera. His 2003 UBR was -1.3, and his career UBR was -11.0, so Alou likely knew he was not a very skilled base runner. That may be why he went with Rivera instead: (relative) skill over (relative) speed. But Feliz was a much more flexible double-switch pawn and could have been plugged in virtually anywhere Alou saw fit. Feliz ultimately played four positions in 2003 (third base, first base, left field and right field), and he would also play 119 innings of shortstop the next season under Alou’s management.

But Alou decided Rivera was his guy, so he (and we) must suffer the consequences. With Mike Koplove pitching to Marquis Grissom, and with Mark Grace holding Rivera on at first, Grissom shoved a liner into the right-center field alley. David Dellucci misplayed the ball; it appeared to hit off his glove for no great reason. At this point, Rivera appeared nearly stationary at second base. This is Rivera’s first misdemeanor. The ball hit off Dellucci’s glove while the Arizona right fielder appeared to be somewhat settled under the play, though the standard-def resolution of television in 2003 further compressed for YouTube doesn’t allow for close inspection. Either way, he was in front of the ball, and had he caught it like he was supposed to, it would have taken a poor throw not to double off Rivera.

Rivera thought Dellucci caught it, so he started to retreat. He then realized vis-a-vis either his own recognition or by picking up first-base coach Luis Pujols (who I imagine was frantic at this point, though the Fox Sports Bay Area director does not allow us this delight) that the ball had been dropped, so he started to head toward third base. In rounding second base he actually rounded the entire second base area, foregoing it for a strategically shorter route. He had to go back, of course, because that’s illegal. Dellucci eventually got the ball back in to cut-off man Junior Spivey, whose wide-eyed, ripe-for-the-pickin’ throw to third baseman Alex Cintron was in the dirt. Cintron couldn’t pick it, and the ball ricocheted toward the hole at shortstop. Ruben Rivera never slid, because he’s Ruben Rivera, so he had a nice, standing start toward home.

At this point we should consider third-base coach Gene Glynn. This poor guy has already seen Rivera arrive at second way too early, turn around, turn back around, miss the bag and turn back around, then turn back around, then not slide into third on a play in which Glynn appeared to tell him to slide. By the time the ball wanders into no man’s land in the infield, Rivera has started running, the whole time looking for the ball instead of a signal from his entrusted base coach. The clip embedded above doesn’t give us great insight into what Glynn has told Rivera to do; we can, however, determine that whatever it was, Glynn did not do so with a third-base coach’s typical conviction that the winning run could score on this very play. Gene Glynn knew the winning run could not score on that very play. Gene Glynn has dissociated with this play and with Ruben Rivera. Gene Glynn is staring into the middle distance, no longer wondering why things are and aren’t. Gene Glynn, at this point, simply exists. The only thing differing Gene Glynn from a telephone pole is that the telephone will never experience the sweet release of death.

Tony Womack recovered the ball at shortstop, right on the edge of the infield grass, and threw to Rod Barajas for the hardest easy out, or easiest hard out, in baseball history.

The official ruling: Grissom reached on an E9. Rivera safe at third on an E4. Rivera out at home, 9-4-5-6-2. Grissom advanced to second on the throw home. Perhaps most remarkabe of all the information disseminated above is that Dellucci was credited with an outfield assist on the play.

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